How to Adapt to Your Flatmate's Mood Shifts

by iROOMit Team
12 March 2024
4 min read

Do you ever feel like your flatmate's on a rollercoaster? Fear not! Here are some tips to navigate their moods and keep your living space harmonious.

Self-Care to Manage the Tension

Set time aside to do activities outside of your flat/house/dorm room and on your own to help you relieve stress that builds up in the home environment. It may even be a good idea to make friends other than your flatmate. If he or she is usually in a bad mood, you probably don’t want to depend on him or her for all your social interactions.

  • Self-care activities can include virtually anything that relaxes you and relieves tension. You can go to the spa for a massage, listen to music while you walk/jog on the trails, and even go to the library for peace and quiet to study. Schedule in a few self-care activities each week to keep your stress levels down.

Identify Patterns

The mood swings may be as harmless as a general annoyance or severe enough that they are keeping the friend up all night. Take notes in a journal to help you identify patterns. You may also be able to spot other factors that may contribute to the mood swings.

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Anticipate Moodiness

Get to know your flatmate and understand the signs of a problem that is in the making. Take a walk while he or she calms down. You may not be able to avoid all of the moodiness but it can go a long way it avoiding a good percentage of the blow ups. You need to space to avoid the conflict and there is a good chance your flatmate needs the space in the room to calm down.

  • Do consider how often you end up leaving to make sure the flatmate isn’t reacting in a negative way just to get the room to themselves.

Suggest that your Flatmate get a Counselor

If the mood swings have been interfering with his or her life, it may be a sign of a larger problem. It can be helpful to remind your flatmate of the affect his or her mood swings actually has on life for both of you. Your flatmate may not notice the issue on a daily basis, so be prepared.

You might show compassion by saying "I can see that your mood brings you down some days. It also causes tension between us. Have you thought about seeing a counselor or someone you can talk to professionally?"

Address Issues

Choose peaceful moments to address issues you and your flatmate are having. This will help to avoid conflict and reduce the chances of one or both of you becoming angry during the discussion. Use this time to set or go over house rules that you both agree on.

  • It may be a good idea to schedule in a weekly meeting or housekeeping session to discuss any issues happening within the living space. You might say "Hey, George, I'd like to talk to you about the rent payments. Let me know when it's a good time to have that discussion."
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Consider Moving Out

Do not hesitate in reporting the problem to your residential advisor if you are living on campus or to a landlord in a flat or housing unit. This can be a tough process so asking to be moved should not be used as a first defense. Work with the residential advisors to explore all your options.

Connect with flatmate’s friends and family. See if they have noticed the behavior. Do this discreetly. You might start by asking other friends if they see the moodiness when you aren’t around. Finding out can help you understand if it happens all the time or only at home. If it's strictly at home, you may want to consider whether the two of you are well-suited if he or she only acts like this in your presence.

If for some reason you are unable to resolve a particular issue, then you may want to consider consulting an outsider for advice and possibly a mediation. If the mood swings are something you have seen occur with other people as well, ask them for suggestions as to how they handled it. "So, you say Terry is moody around you every now and then, too, huh? What do you do when this happens?"

Explore how many people in your flatmate’s family have similar issues and see if there is a pattern as far as mental health issues running in the family.